You only have so much of it

A loss of innocence is no small thing. It's not a terrible thing either but once it's gone... it's gone forever. I have this feeling that I lose a little bit more of myself every time I have sex- well, sell myself for sex. It's not such a terrible thing but once it's gone... like I said, there's no getting it back. And so I wonder, how long can I do this thing? How long can I be a- ? Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I wonder is this really my life? I have a beautiful apartment in Gramercy Park, a brilliant college education, and more talent than I know what to do with and how do I spend my days and nights? Searching for men and women who want to buy sex. What would my parents think? F*ck them anyway. I don't know if that's such a terrible thing... It's a job, and a well paying occupation. If only for a moment I bring a bit of joy to lonely men and women who wouldn't know what to do without me and still I wonder... is the money I make worth the loss of- ? Ha-ha, what am I going on about? I hate it when I get like this. Time to jump in the shower, rinse off, oil the body up, and take a pill of Viagra. It's not just for old people you know. Sometimes I'm so disgusted with myself and what I'm doing that I don't think I could get a hard on even if I were offered a million dollars. But that's what they're paying me for; to get hard. So I take the pill and I sell them a little bit of my innocence. It's not such a bad trade. Like I said, I have a nice apartment and... and I get to attend all the social events of the city, I even donate money to charity and- and I wonder... will they still want me, that is- will they be able to tell when I'm all out? Will they still want me once I've run out of innocence? Ahem; I have to go to work now.